Saturday, September 19, 2015

In response to:

Now the 2nd video on the link shows a true hero! Officer Jessy Kidder has shown what a hero acts like...rather than assisting in suicide by cop! Its a real bummer that long known aggressive DPD have made the graduation with the assistance of the new DA (DA USED TO BE FOR THE PROTECTION OF CITIZENRY AGAINST COP MURDERS/
#COPACIDE not protecting them) .... so when govt protects its own...then the concept of division of powers (legislative, executive and judicial) is a mute point. and poof we become yet another archaic outdated police state...if you are the wrong color or in wrong neighborhoods of course. but like will creep into your neighborhood's soon...its already happening. But you fine ppl stay silent and safe in the knowledge YOU aren't a baddie (till you or your kids their eyes) ...just like all of the non nazi Germans...

wer schweight macht mit.... you, me...we all must stand against the increasing tyranny in this country! They have decreased their reasons for 'shoot to kill' and increased their legal excuses (nice to have a personal DA who shows up to #copacide scene at 6am...before A.M.B.U.L.A.N.C.E. manages to make it...not stop the bleeding of a CHILD...rather pull her around like a dolly arguing about her gender (because POC always lie...what you gunna make ppl pull pants down to prove next?).

My posts sound passionate...angry, perhaps furious. I am not hopping around the room screaming...I am merely printing the facts and truths...the problem lies in a society who is so repulsed by truth because they must continually deny 2 holocausts (Native and African American...the fact I have to define the further proof ) and run around bleating about the greatness of this country...and yeah we have it nice for many here...because we stole it off someone else whether it be land, resources or labour. I tend not to look at genocidal thieves as magnificent or someone I aspire to be. But we have had too many generations of disnified/hollywood history that truth...raw and untampered sounds hysterical when someone writes/speaks it. and that is truly a shame (being massively kind) ....and the rot from within we are experiencing...and it is across all communities, incomes and classes. it is the malaise of sugar coated, dumbed down history as well as bigoted interpretation of current events (I've been saying it to Latinos for see my republican la raza, they are after you and yours)...hysterical lemming screeching behavior toward media produced enemies (incidentally, Mexicans and All Latin Americans have more rights to be here than you blond blue eyed folks...the original illegals...are you afraid the indigenous peoples of America will rise up and shove you onto reservations...or make you boat refugees? smh...if you do not stand up to be counted ...your children's children may just disavow you in shame as they learn true history...because it is coming. it can be stopped...but it is coming...and we deserve it! yes me too...but I am making my stand...and it isn't to support thieving monsters and their lemming underlings (who think they are gunna be elite sometime..bwaahaha stay asleep my friends cuz only way you make it up is by being a thieving, amoral scum yourself (yes if employees do the thieving for is still on your head (as 'the art of war' (favorite book of shyte for capitalists) clearly states)). you may not believe in God or consequences...but it is coming whether you believe in it or not. wouldn't it be nice to effect and affect change beforehand? why are you letting the nutbag Christians drive us to the end of days? because they are...Trump, 3x bankrupt, has the biggest ignorant mouth but Fox & strippers in suits have been leading the ignorant for far too long...and the real monsters sit back on their yachts not giving a thought to, well anyone but those who they can swindle for more profit). please folks...I don't want war... but you are participating in its creation... what happened to never again? because its not in Germany its is happening, it is happening in US (other so-called 1st world countries are there as well...but this is my country) and it is unacceptable. I find it odd how un Christian Americans are.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Laying here fatigued beyond belief.  But thinking about next time I want a bath...what shall I do?  it took more than I thought I had in me to get out of the bath yesterday...was harder than any mountain I've ever climbed. 

Oh well...sigh.  Off to watch some life saver.
2015 Health journey


Wow....just survived another ill attack...just like the first time it happened in UK at Maz & Pete's house, then another in Boise at my mom & dad's...up to 3 now here. I thought this was the cancer...but apparently today adds the 4th. Have any of my RA, fibro/ME, Lupis, etc. peeps ever heard of I'll explain today: My back has been hurting this week (one of few things on my being that rarely hurts)...increasing to almost unable to walk...and hip was higher on one side...but nothing could get it back in place....and slowly my muscles have almost gone into spasm all over my body. So I decided to bathe...steam...and essential oils as if I end up in full body spasm...well, alone I am screwed. So 3 hrs in I finally get a massive pop and my back was straight... but pain still of course... so a further soak....Then the attack began....
I got really hot and spinny. I felt nauseaus but spinning so hard I could not figure out how to get to toilet to get sick. Then I knew I had to be flat and I may pass the bath not a wise thing to do. I was in too much back pain to get out of tub, roll over. or even sit I scootched to the end of the tub with the drain...I had to get close enough to pull the plug so if I passed out I wouldn't drown. meanwhile the spinning was so bad I could not even scootch back to a comfy place in the tub and was squashed up one side. In and out I could hear the new comedy 'Crims' in background, spinning round, nasea and screaming full body spasm... but water gone...about an hour later I was able to scootch back and another hour of trying to get myself out of the bath and back to safety of my bed. still spinning and disoriented I was finally able to get out of bath...but could not walk...I fell over on the wall...and couldn't even keep head up to toilet... so I layed there on the dirty floor, dirty laundry under my head and a bucket tipped on the side 'just in case'.... I finally got back into bed 3 hrs after the over heated spinning began. Does this ring a bell with anyone? It is terrible... and for the jerk off senator who talks about healthy looking disability folks....yeah I may jump out my car occationally... but this is what we suffer alone, in ashamed your world disentigrates in front of your face...and there is not a damned thing to help it. So fuck all the healthy people with arrogant assumptions. This tortuousness hell I have found myself is not of my bloody making....or my choice. This or traveling the world seeing all of the hundreds of amazing people I know the world over... yeah I choose this...sigh.  

ok back from rant...anyone? I'm not looking for cures or diet improvements...or mental healing techniques. I'm looking for medical I can research. This started in UK few years back...cancer gone...still happening (this worse and most dangerous yet frown emoticon ) doctors are idiots who hide behind pills and knives...done with for profit medicine, which includes much of the highly profitable alternative side...the real healers can barely afford to pay their rent and are rarely covered under the profitable insurance thay can't pay rent... and we can't afford them...cha-ching wall street and corp America livin high off it all tho. Disgusting US medical selfish, greedy and bloody inhumane... if we are this inhumane why not let folks chose to be free of torture? death row inmates have more compassion than the invisibly ill....last time I checked I was on the non-violence side of the world. ugg
not reading back...lucky to have gotten it out at all... now to poor body is wiped out.

... on the muscles...slowly I feel them getting harder and harder...I chalk that up to being in pain all of the time ...think of a time you were cold all night but too deep asleep to get up and get a held your muscles tight .... that's a bit of what I go thru with muscles. My one eye is now in constant twitch and its becoming painful to breathe ribs if you ever been kicked in the ribs by a sports guy...that achy, bruised feeling...where the rest of your muscles cramp a bit from wincing from pain. Not terrible, but I can feel them getting matter what I eat or do...just part of my ongoing decline. However, this attack is terrible...its not just a lil dizzy...the words I used don't even cover the tip of the iceberg...its worse than being tossed around in a massive wave, no control over anything...or stuck in a front loading washing machine when nearly passed out from a big fever...I wish I could explain it. It is worse to endure than my hanging was...if that gives a better pain level. I go into total crisis management... for anyone whose been in battle or a natural disaster... there is a place you go when it is serious life and brain goes to a different place... so much pain and chaos around you...on auto-survival mode it just takes over even when my internal battle is a fight only over centimetres and incremental movements rather than miles and land endures the same trauma.
On the chiropractor and massage and acupuncture end...I currently spend over $300 per month to pay for medicare and medigap insurance (yeah not as 'free' as they make non disabled folks believe)...which doesn't include the $300+ I need to spend on drugs (which I've all but stopped, can't afford them) Whilst I don't want to do doctors anymore I am terrified to stop the insurance as it is the only health insurance I can access anymore...EVER...if I let it lapse, no company has to ever again offer me medical coverage, even with Obamacare... thus I would lose any teeny tiny bit of control I still have over my own being or life. And this is what loss of freedom looks are free long as you can pay for it, that is. Good idea...I'll post in some auto-immune sites. and thank you for your prayers. Living one foot here and one in hell sure sucks...lemme tell ya. New euthanasia fan here.
I think people would be blown away if they knew what sick ppl are afraid to share. If you have someone near you who struggles with invisible illness... just because they have been silenced by healthy person dismisal...doesn't mean they don't experience it... just means they save your fragile sensibilities from having to hear the truth...and further have to retreat into isolation in the midst of a crowd.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, ... -US Declaration of Independance

I have been told by so many people who hear the story of my hanging in Ecuador that my survival is a miracle.  My so called 'blessing' is now enduring illnesses and injuries that will merely leave me in increasing agony (nearly bed ridden already) for decades to come. I can expect no miracle full healing...instead a consistant downward slide.  Ah compassion, what a rare and beautiful thing it must be. I don't know it personally...but it is nice to read it on the euthenasia sites.

 Based on what I have read, it seems that:

*the anti-Euthenasia folks argue the point via philosophy, religion (protected under decl. of Independance), ideologies, dogma, etc. ** They argue for ideas.**

*Whilst pro-Euthenasia folks argue the individual and one's individual and personal rights, which include self determination.  One's right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" thru freedom from illness, agony and pain (also incedently, guaranteed in the declaration of independance).  **They argue for people.**

I am not an idea...I am a person.   Please do not argue away my personal human rights for your dogmatic ideologies.

MY happiness is freedom from pain, being a pin cushion, free of bags of pills, that in turn cause their own pain.  I claim my Independance from state tyranny blocking me from my basic human rights layed out in the declaration of Independance of my country of birth.   I am utterly indignant that complete strangers believe they have a right, no, an obligation, to weigh in, decide for me, my rights and/or decline the restriction of those same guaranteed rights.

 Why do so many people demand their 'freedom' ( let us use the religious as they -esp. Americans- are the most vocal and demanding)....but in turn to then have the audacity to deny those very same freedoms to others with whom they dogmatically and ideologically disagree.  Seems a bit selfish (being polite) tbh.  As person who endures ongoing pain and continual decrease in the abilty to obtain a happy life.  I still maintain the same right of access to happiness as every other living being. I am not terminal...but that should not remove my rights!  I claim my right to my own 'pursuit of happiness'...mine happens to be, freedom from pain.

Suicide        - A permanent solution for a temporary problem.
Euthenasia - A permanent solution for a permanent problem
                        (mine is ongoing pain, agony & deteriorating autoimmune illnesses)

Not too much to ask I believe.  One less voter to oppose this country's innane drive to destroy itself by right wing, dogmatic, intollerant, beligerant, superficial, greedy, amoral, unethical and typically uneducated fools and their disasterous agenda's.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Tonight, I stand with Chief Spence. No food passes these lips.

On this eve of the 13th year into the 21st Century I weep. I weep for greed, I weep for selfishness. I weep for the backwardness we continue to live in. I weep for the ancestors, I weep for the coming generations. I weep for the oppressors. I weep for the financial industry, the oil industry, the chemical industry, etc. I weep for the media and all of its corrupt, weak, compromised, lazy, dishonest reporters. I had such hope for mankind moving into the 21st century but instead we were greeted with hatred, contempt, greed, warmongering and continuation of the ills of our forefathers. In my blood I carry slave owners and possibly slaves, I carry conquistadors, Mexican peasants and Native peoples. I carry religious zealots, nobility and Vikings. I carry the blood of the Americas. I carry the burden of them all.

On this New year's eve I remember back and I look forward...lifetimes of pain and starvation. In this world we live in today there is enough food to feed the world's population...yet tonight there are children and elders who will enter the new year hungry. There is enough medicine and health care for all yet there are ill, injured and disabled people who go without medicine or care. There are enough homes for every human on this planet, yet there are millions of people who will go to sleep this night with no shelter, while mansions which could fit a small village sit heated, but empty or near empty.

Why do we think a person in a corner office of a high-rise building is more important than the garbage collector who keeps disease from our doorsteps. Why do the people who sit in positions of power running governments think they deserve more than the teacher enlightening our children? Why does a man running around a field for a few hours deserve more than the fast food worker working 60 - 80 hrs a week that feeds his team after their celebration victory? Why does the queen of England and all of her relations drink champagne while the many peoples the world over that HER family caused to be raped, slaughtered and subjugated continue to endure the same abuses as they have for hundreds of years.

For all of the billions of people who espouse religious fervor and faith… why is it we still endure these tragedies? When will YOU PEOPLE WAKE THE FUCK UP??? How many have to die so the top 20% can keep their multiple households or large mansions? How many people have to suffer unending pain and misery so the few can enjoy unfair advantages? What will it take for the media to stand up and be honorable again?

I am brokenhearted. I weep. I weep for all mankind. You, each individual person, participate in the perpetration of this evil…this sham. Each human being on this planet is responsible. Each person can be an agent for change. Why don’t you, each one of you, stand up for truth and right? Why do you grumble about offering help to those less fortunate than yourselves? Using the excuse of judgement or de-humanizing those less fortunate than yourselves? Why do you continue to ask for less taxes when you know very well in the depths of your soul that the needs of others are sooo much greater than your own? Why do you, the middle class, exempt yourselves from responsibility (for you are indeed part of the 20%)? Why don’t YOU stand up against bullying tactics of each of your governments (and I don’t only mean the USA)? Why do we continue to allow these corrupt greedy individuals lead us? Why do we allow a monarchy who does nothing but gestures continue to run multiple countries while doing very little REAL change for fear of losing their personal power? What is the point of a Queen or King if they do nothing but cut ribbons at ceremonies? I call for the Queen of England, UK and the commonwealth to put her crown on the line and actually do something meaningful foe once in her reign! Stand up to your leaders and take responsibility!!! Rectify the horrid error YOUR ancestor did to our peoples!

May Creator bless each human being on this planet tonight. May Creator strike you, each person, with the reality of what the real world looks like. May Spirit grace you with empathy and understanding of what is truly important. May Spirit guide you to action, selfless, compassionate action. May each of you finally understand the only thing you truly own is what you take with you upon your death. And to question yourself and motivation. Is any of it really worth the cost of your soul?

I weep tonight for my hope in mankind is lost.


Sunday, January 22, 2012

Day One of the week before Rebooting

ok... so I saw this movie, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" last week.  Wow Joe Cross really made an impact on me!  I am on day 10 of excruciating Chronic pain level is reasonable (other than my stupid migraine).  I discovered today, for the 3rd month now my insurance disability payment has not gone into my bank correctly.  grrr Well I HAD to get down to the bank and remedy the negative balance.  Bloody people not understanding that disabled people depend on the nickles and dimes thrown our way!

Anyway, As I was out of bed...I figured I better take advantage of the situation... so I bought myself a new "slow" juicer (Omega Vert 350HD) for $300.  Originally $379 I used a Bed Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon!  Bless them!  What a wonderful surprise! Then headed over to Whole Foods in Cherry Creek.  It's been years since I was in that store.  WOW!!! It has definitely improved.  I got $80 of veggies (YIKES!) to get started on this 60 day veg/fruit juice fast.

For now ...since I feel so sick, I will summarize and go back later and fill details.

Drank big very green tasting drink (well 2 tall glasses a couple of hours apart).
Ok have to stop... migraine pounding... elbow hurting like hell...and I am exhausted.

It did give me energy today... but now I hurt... sigh

The video description of my hanging

Hi,  My name is Robin.  I have decided to blog my journey towards regaining the real me, my health and my life.  My life was utterly upended in July 2006 when I was hung while travelling in Ecuador.  Here is my video explaining what happened to me on the train called, "The Devil's Nose".